Performance Punishment and Getting Comfortable Saying No

Hi there everyone, Shannon here!

Thank you for sticking it out the last few weeks with no uploads. Your content creator here was down for the count with the flu. I'm back now, however, and ready to tackle the next in our series about career mistakes.

I, like many of you, have been on the receiving end of performance punishment at work. No, this is not a PIP or other type of plan that you're put on by management or HR when your performance at work is lacking. Exactly the opposite. This happens when you say yes to everything you're asked to do - taking on projects, workloads, and overtime when you already have enough on your plate in hopes of standing out to your boss and company when it comes time for promotions to be handed out - and are then passed up for that promotion in favor of someone who does less work and has less experience. It can be a frustrating, demoralizing, demotivating experience.

This happens for many reasons. In my experience, the number one reason this happens is because you have taken on so much responsibility at work that replacing you in your current role could be costly and time consuming for the company. They are getting a bargain paying you your current salary without giving you the fancy title or corner office that would normally come your level of workload and responsibility. So, instead of promoting you, they do what they can to keep you in your current role and bring in someone who isn't a yes man (or woman).

I was told, on my previous team, that I was not a good fit for leadership because I was in college for my bachelor's degree, and they did not think I could handle the hours and the demands of leadership while also working toward that degree. Instead of promoting me, however, they brought in someone else from the company with very little knowledge of our area (let me say here that she was also wonderful and was a champion for every single one of her team members...this issue was no fault of hers and we ended up working extremely well together) and then had me train her from the ground up. So, I was working almost 70 hours a week, going to college full time, training my incoming leader and other team members, and functioning as an assistant team leader essentially with basically nothing to show for it. How did this happen? I was uncomfortable saying no. I thought no would mean getting fired. No and I were not buddies in any way, shape, or form.

Saying yes to everything that is thrown at you at work may seem like the easiest way to make sure you're seen and ensure that you're the best option for a promotion when they come up but that is rarely the case. Saying yes to everything can lead to some serious consequences in your career if you are not careful as well.

What kind of consequences though?

Well, burnout for one. Constantly taking on more tasks can lead to physical and mental exhaustion which can then lead to decreased productivity and decreased overall well-being. Decreased productivity also comes with decreased quality of work. When you aren't giving a reasonable number of tasks the needed attention because you're spread too thin, things get missed and mistakes are made.

Increased anxiety and stress come in second. Increased anxiety and stress can and will happen when you take on too much at work as well. Increased anxiety can lead to poor sleeping habits, poor eating habits, and decreased mental health in the long run. The pressure to meet all of the demands and commitments on your plate can take a serious toll on your mental health and then your physical health if it goes on for too long. There's an old saying that if you do not take the time to take care of yourself, your body will force you to. That has been absolutely true in my experience. I took on so much and worked so many hours that I eventually ran my body directly into the ground. That lead to a six-week leave of absence for surgery and treatments that could have been avoided if I had listened to my body and slowed down.

How do we combat this issue? The biggest tool in your toolbox in this scenario is the ability to say no. It sounds easy, but for many people it is uncomfortable to say to a leader or manager for fear of retaliation. It takes practice, and guts.

Before you can say no, you need to have a clear understanding of your limits when it comes to your workload. Assess your current workload, schedule, and work-life balance and go from there when deciding if taking on more is worth it.

Start out by politely declining the offer with an I statement. You want to frame the answer in a way that aligns with your limits and priorities. This can sound something like "I won't be able to take this on right now as I am focusing on X project." Be direct but again, polite. Clearly communicate your reasons for declining without being apologetic.

You could also suggest alternatives if your relationship with your manager or leader allows for that. You could suggest delegating to a different team member or even offering an alternative timeline where you can take on the project but at a later date.

In my case, I used to say yes to every single task and project that was given to me or suggested to me because I felt like it made me stand out. Years later, and on a different team, I was asked if I would take on a significant project that would require me to go into the office on the weekends (I work from home and have for a bit over two years). Normally, I would have jumped at the chance for more overtime and gone into the office on Saturday and Sunday without another thought. This time, though, I thought it over and politely declined. I told my team leader that, while I appreciated the offer, I did not think I would be able to accept as I had my plate full of other projects for the team as well as working on my master's degree. He was understanding and said that he had figured the answer would be no, and he was glad it was no, but wanted to give me the option anyway. This left the door open for other opportunities down the line should I want them. Burning bridges is rarely a good thing in a corporate setting.

I left that conversation feeling fantastic and elated that I was able to decline that offer and on amiable terms without feeling guilty about it. It was freeing to be able to finally know my limits, know my boundaries, know my worth, and stick to it.

It's important to find a balance and learn to say no when necessary. Prioritizing tasks and setting boundaries can help you manage your workload more effectively. Knowing your limits is 90% if the battle. The other 10% is saying no without feeling guilty.

Do any of you have experiences with performance punishment? How did you handle it? Were you able to bounce back from it and stick to your limits and boundaries? Sound off in the comments and I will see you next week!